Thanks, Ann, you changed my worldview
When out networking, people often say to me, “It’s alright for you, you’ve got the gift of the gab!”, as if I’ve been bestowed a special and rare power.
There are, however, two problems with this statement;
Firstly, the literal meaning of the word “gab” is – one prone to talking excessively, continuously, or idly, often about trivial matters or gossip, which, frankly, is a bit of a slap down.
Secondly, I have nothing in me that I haven’t acquired and honed over time, in other words, learned behaviours rather than innate skill.
To prove this, when I was a young boy, I was painfully shy. Correction: I was bone-meltingly, underarm-sweatingly, puce-facedly shy. The short of debilitating shyness that would see me hiding behind the settee if someone rang the frontdoor bell, or go fifty shades of red if someone merely mentioned my name in public. Because of this challenge, I actively avoided eye contact, never put my hand up in class, and parties? Well, you can forget that torment. I’ll stay home and watch The Waltons if you please.
Even at my tender pre-pubescent age, I knew this issue would continue to haunt me, that I was destined to become a bystander in my own life. I had images of me living in splendid isolation in a grubby high-rise flat, overseeing a city of people just “getting on with life”. So what changed? Someone noticed me and took action. Specifically, my English teacher, Ann Tonkin, as kind as she was clever, who quietly witnessed my pain and offered me a chance to change my story.
Her solution? She sent me to the drama department.
Now, you may think that being on stage would be the last place on earth a teenage boy with crushing self-confidence issues would want to be – full exposure to a group of strangers? Really?
But she was right. Drama, or, more specifically, acting, allows one to inhabit other people’s worlds, understand different perspectives, and tell stories. Crucially, it was for me a brief respite from the pain of, well, being me. It allowed me to find my place in the world, based on the sure knowledge that I was not the only person struggling to fit in.
Of course, you don’t have to be afflicted by the shy gene to find networking a struggle. Many people consider themselves to be “unnatural networkers”; the thought of being in a roomful of strangers and making conversation is tantamount to the torture I felt as a boy. However, having worn the cloak of many characters in my moderately glittering stage career, I understand that the human condition is fraught with people struggling with self-doubt, low self-esteem and the current classic trope of “imposter syndrome”.
For me, knowing that we’re all in the same boat (though admittedly some sail in bigger boats) takes the pressure off, and if there is one lesson above all others I’ve learned, it’s simply this: turn up.
Had I not turned up in the drama department, had I not turned up for the first audition and subsequently got the lead part in a brand new musical, who knows where I’d be now? Sometimes all it takes is to accept a gentle nudge, take a deep breath and dive in.
I now make a play of turning up, I seek out opportunities to make connections, and foster collaborations. I say yes at least five times more than I say no. I’m open to opportunities, even though the outcome is often unclear. I also recognise that through my work with BNI and networks such as Gatwick Diamond Business, being visible allows me to build credibility and trust amongst my peers.
So, there we have it, if there is a golden rule of business networking, it’s simply this: turn up.
However, it’s important to recognise that turning up applies not only to being there but also being there with purpose and vigour, in other words, turn up the energy, turn up the ambition, turn up your curiosity, essentially, turn up the dial on your networking efforts.
So thank you, Ann, you turned a shy boy into a showman and taught me this valuable lesson: If you change the way you view the world, the world you view will change.
About Tim Fifield
Tim is a polymath; equally at home as a business director, award-winning networker and playwright, his enduring fascination with people has led him to a 25-year career supporting businesses throughout Sussex via networks that include Gatwick Diamond Business and BNI, where he currently manages the west of the county. Of networking, Tim says, “ for me, meeting new people is like pouring petrol in my tank; rarely do I meet someone who doesn’t, in some way, move the dial, whether that confirms my point of view or presents a fresh perspective.”. You can find out more at: www.britweb.co.uk
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